“So many years of education yet nobody taught us how to love ourselves and why it’s important.” – Unknown As I reflect back on my first year as a Rowland Fellow, I continue to be drawn to the quote I wrote at the top of my Rowland proposal back in December 2017. I was drawn to this quote as it recognizes the need for students to learn how to love themselves as part of their educational experience. Throughout my sabbatical time this year, it has become even more apparent that the lack of love we have and show for ourselves is deeply rooted in our community and throughout many generations. I have witnessed so clearly the masks, struggles, and sufferings that hold many back from loving themselves. I’ve seen it with students, faculty, parents, and mostly in myself. I have learned that we have all been taught social norms through our own upbringing, and these norms vary across communities, cultures, religions, and generations. The imaginary “parenting book” has become more complicated through generations as society has evolved, shifting greatly when the iPhone and other digital devices were invented. Parents seek out one another to figure out if they are parenting “the right way” when really every child is different except for one basic need, love. We all need to be loved, and we all need to be nurtured. At the same time, these social norms have also developed this imaginary book of right and wrong, good and bad. We compare ourselves to others and set a standard for ourselves that is often not accurate or realistic. Our internal voice tells us that it is selfish to love ourselves before others, that we are just not pretty enough, smart enough, able enough, or just plain good enough, and that time is of the essence, so we need to keep moving and striving to be better and do more to keep up with this busy world rather than slowing down and generating more time to love and appreciate our body, our mind, and our soul. This is me, and this has been my struggle this year. I believe that part of this journey was meant to teach me how to love myself because no one ever taught me how or why it is important. It was never taught in my home, in my community, and definitely not in my schooling. Why don’t we teach our children how to love themselves and why it is important? We teach them to be kind to others and how to love others, but why not ourselves? Is life truly all about perception and the need to be perceived by others as kind and loving? Does that even matter if we don’t love ourselves? Can we truly even love another if we don’t love ourselves? I cannot answer these questions, but I do think they have all influenced my work and shaped both my growth as an individual and as a school counselor this year. I have tried to create balance in the roller coaster ride of my Rowland sabbatical year. I have worked hard and often fast, but I have also acknowledged and given myself time to slow down and nurture my soul. I have found that a heavy guilt often sets in when I do choose to slow down instead of speed up. It is as if the expectations of others, or at least my perceived expectations of others, drive my need to keep going as if I won’t be good enough if I slow down. I have also seen this throughout my school this year especially with fellow teachers. It was clear through the results of a faculty survey we created around job satisfaction and wellness. Many teachers choose to work many hours before school, at night, and/or the weekend when they are not contracted to work because they are expected to get the work done, but when is it too much? When do we make a change and recognize that the teachers in our school are often choosing others (the students and the needs of the school) above their own needs? When do we acknowledge that the teachers in our own school are not well because we do not value and support a teacher who sets boundaries for themselves and chooses not to work outside the hours of the school day? What does all this mean for our students? They are learning that it is not important to take care of themselves or set boundaries for themselves as this is what they are seeing their teachers do. At the same time, the same pressures are being passed down from the teachers to the students. We tell students to check their email regularly, get involved, play sports, join clubs, fill up their schedule with classes, stay in class for the full 80 minutes, and then “oh by way” you have a bunch of homework to do to on top of everything else you are already doing. What are we doing? We are overscheduling them, dictating how they spend their time during the school day, and only giving them five minutes in between classes and a 30 minute lunch to be kids. Then they go home and they are either overscheduled, staying up late doing homework, or on the other end, they are disengaged, not caring about school because they “hate” it, so they choose another way to fill their time, maybe playing video games or self-medicate with substances or even food. And yes, there are outliers, there are the students who have a job, take care of their family, and even those few and far between who have actually been taught how to live a balanced life and love themselves fully. In my work thus far this year, I have realized that we cannot transform our school to integrate social-emotional learning and wellness practices if we do not see the need for ourselves. Yes, we see that our students need this, but as adults, we need this too. We need to consider proactive ways to support our own wellness as it keeps us from adding reactive “band-aids” that are not sustainable. One way to conceptualize this is through a wellness wheel, consider a pie chart where each piece of the “pie” is a slice of wellness: emotional, intellectual, physical, social, environmental, financial, and spiritual. It allows us to see that wellness is multi-dimensional, how everything is truly connected, and that life is fluid. Taking time to reflect on our own wellness through use of a wellness wheel can help us understand how to thrive as humans and empower our students to do the same. At the same time, if we are going to teach about wellness, model wellness, and live well, how can we shift our schools, the place students and teachers spend most of their time during the school year, to become a one-stop shop for wellness needs? I believe that the creation of Wellness Centers in our schools could be the answer. During a school visit trip to California, I witnessed schools that organically infuse social-emotional learning and wellness practices into the backbone of their school culture and environment. It was during this visit that I was introduced and witnessed the power of a Wellness Center while visiting the San Francisco Unified School District (SFUSD). After Columbine, there was a desire to make schools safer, but SFUSD decided to address unnoticed mental health with students. They developed a wellness initiative in collaboration with the Department of Public Health and the Department of Children, Youth & Families to keep students in school, assess and address needs, and then link students back to the community. The initiative included the development of a Wellness Center at each of their high schools. The Wellness Centers they developed provide a full range of free, confidential health services such as school-wide health education and events, group and one-on-one counseling, nurse services, medical referrals, and more. A typical Wellness Center model includes a Wellness Coordinator who provides the leadership and ensures all student needs are met, School Nurses who listen, educate, provide basic first-aid, help manage chronic health conditions, and provide medical referrals, Community Health Outreach Workers who engage students in Wellness programs and partner with Community Based Organizations (CBO) to provide services to students, Behavioral Health Counselors who provide one-on-one and group-based mental health and substance abuse counseling, and Youth Outreach Workers who are students trained to educate their peers about health issues. Community partners, the school administration, and parents are also an integral part of this model. A few important factors to note are that the Wellness Center is in its own space – separate from the school counseling office (as it offers students who may need mental health support a more private, confidential space away from those who may just need academic support such as changing their schedule), and the Wellness Center is also non-punitive and advocates for more restorative practices. The Wellness Centers are also very welcoming, provide clear expectations (15 min. visit rule), utilize a thorough data tracking system (including sign-in and out), offer food and tea, and are included as part of every new student’s orientation. In seeing these practices in action at schools in and around the San Francisco area, I believe that a Wellness Center could help to more proactively support Vermont students and even be solutions to many of our educational problems including a more proactive approach to funding. With that said, I am excited to move this effort forward at Harwood Union High School. I am excited to offer students a place to go in the midst of the chaos of their lives. A place they can feel safe and connected. A place that becomes the hub of all things wellness related. A place that teaches students how to love themselves and why it’s important. As Sir Ken Robinson once said, “Education needs to address the world around our learners but also the world within our learners.” Now is the time to address the world within our students, to teach them how to love themselves and how to love one another. 
Tara is a 2018 Rowland Fellow, School Counselor at Harwood Union High School, and President-Elect for the Vermont School Counselor Association. Originally from Michigan, Tara graduated from Michigan State University with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a Health Promotion in Kinesiology. After serving a year in the AmeriCorps, she continued her studies at the University of Vermont earning a dual Masters in Mental Health & School Counseling. Outside of school, Tara teaches Buti Yoga and loves spending time with her partner, two step-children, and two furry pups. As a family, they enjoy spending time outdoors connecting with nature through hiking, snowboarding, trail running, gardening, paddling, backpacking, and camping.
Tara is a 2018 Rowland Fellow, School Counselor at Harwood Union High School, and President-Elect for the Vermont School Counselor Association. Originally from Michigan, Tara graduated from Michigan State University with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a Health Promotion in Kinesiology. After serving a year in the AmeriCorps, she continued her studies at the University of Vermont earning a dual Masters in Mental Health & School Counseling. Outside of school, Tara teaches Buti Yoga and loves spending time with her partner, two step-children, and two furry pups. As a family, they enjoy spending time outdoors connecting with nature through hiking, snowboarding, trail running, gardening, paddling, backpacking, and camping.